Sunday, June 19, 2005


So I met up with V and a few other friends today.. just one of those random meet ups... "im bored" "so am i" "ok lets go out" "where?" "i dunno, im bored and i need to get out" "alright, you call A ,B and C and I'll call D, E and F up" "Alright, bye" F up? LOL! That was unintentional! I'm not having that "weird" feeling anymore about her and that dude anymore. I guess all i needed was to spend some time with her. Don't know why tho. But I'm glad. Was talkin to this 17 year old at work today who part times here. While coming back from lunch our conversation went something like this... Me: [...] hence, she hates her parents to extreme. Don't understand how parents can beat the shit out of their kidz and then abandon them... Her: Well I hate my parents too, its normal. Me: Yourz is a different case. Almost all teenagers hate their parents. Her: My parents beat me up too. I get beaten up everyday. Me: ... I just stood there staring at her... the lift's door opened and closed, I couldn't be bothered. I was pissed off at quite a few people.. There's only so much one can take.. after that u gotta show em the mirror... but its no use.. u know they'll never see thru ur point... or thru themselves... sigh. Dads health has been really really low lately.. and its freaking me out.. There's just been too much tension... my mom being stupid enuf to give him some bad news too.. his best frien dgetting his son engaged and not even inviting him... he lives just the road across! my sister was at the engagement just coz shes friends with the girls younger sister! I'm to blame for his health tho, i gave him paadol to eat over an empty stomach coz he was running a really high fever at night a few days back... ...he told me its my fault... and then this... D telling me about her parents... i couldn't take it anymore... i doubt if i believe in the existence of God anymore either... no wait.. i do believe in his existence.. but i don't think he cares and i dont wanna buy the BS story of being treated right in our after life.. its just a totally fucked up theory... all the prophets who were tested by allah actually were given lots of luxury before it.. apparently only back then god decided to show his existence... i dont care how hard tests he put up in front of his prophets.. he was nice to them too... this is all BS... and don dont even think of lecturing me on religion.. i wont even bother to read... D has been working for two weeks with us now. She's the most lively person around. The record was previously held by me. But her age beat me at it. Sweet 7teen :) She's filled with stories and the "i dont care attidude" even tho she does but she knows she can get away by saying that just coz shes 7teen. heh. There are times when she's come up to me and asked "hey why do u keep staring at me that way" LOL "Coz u remind me of what i USED to be. And i just cant figure for the life of it how i became what i am right now. I'm not me anymore." No one, not a single soul who's met her could have ever figured the hell this lively young woman went thru every single day of her life. Her: My mom and dad beat me up for the slightest tiniest mistake we make. You see this mark on my eyebrow? Me: ... (Yeah, I've been wanting to ask you about it. But I assumed you prolly just got a cut for the same reason i have similar ones. We're hyper kidz. Looks like its a different story all together... i thought u would have some hilairiuous crazy and stupid story onhw u managed to hit ur head onto something...) Her: Once i had really high fever, hence i didnt wake up for school the next day, it was understood that i wasnt going to be attending it. My parents obivously knew about it. Come morning and my younger sister couldn't find her comb, so she asked me thrice. Each time I told her i didn't know. The fourth time she asked me to look it up for her to which i told her that i couldn't be bothered, im sick, go find it yourself. Next thing i know my father is in my room beating me up, i turn around and just ask him: "Why are you beating me?" to which he responds: "you dont know?" and continues to beat me. then he held me by my hair and hit my head on a protusion in the wall, hence the cut. Me: ... Her: My parents just need an excuse... my dads been beating me upwith his leather belts ever since i can remember... once my mom beat me up with this huge spoon we get for making [insert name of some indian dish i dont remember]. Its a huge square shaped metal spatula. Sharp corners and all. My mom hit me right on top of my head with it. I started to bleed really bad. After three days when the bleeding didn't stop i went to the hospital and got sticthes. Me: ... Her: You know the bailan we use for making chapatis? MY mom always beats meup with that... numerous bayluns have broken in my home. Every year we go to india we bring 2-3 of them. They just keep breaking on me. Me: ... And right now my hands feel to weak to type anymore. Recalling this conversation has left me feeling even more of a nervous wreck. I adore that girl. She's LIFE personified. She had many more gruesome "incidents" i can not get myself to type.. YESTERDAY.. just yesterday i was gonna write about her... about how she is so full of life.. about how she reminds me of how lifeless i've become... and how i've started getting all emotional over what people think of me.. and ish... about what i used to be... Independent in my mind... free... larger than life... not in a materialistic sense... its a bit complicated... but yes... larger than life... and her ei am today... typing about her.. . but something totally different... in less than 10 minutes... everything changed... i wish i could just take her home with me... away from that hell hole called home... if wishes were horses... if religion really was magic.. where every good wish came true... if like really was a fairy tale where good always won... if god really cared... too much blasphemy eh? i was suggested swearing. but i thought i'd go a step forward. im just so pissed off. im just feeling so helpless. coz no one can do anything for her... or her younger sister... it took all the strength i had just not to fall apart i'm trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart... Happy Bday Winston! :-) May u always remain invincible ;-) (You owe me pics of that ass!) over and out...

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